The Leadership Skill Everyone Overrates (But Few Master)
So There I Was…
Trying to offer some quick advice to a colleague who had clearly been struggling. I nodded, gave what I thought were affirming sounds, and waited for my turn to share the perfect solution. That’s when they stopped mid-sentence and said, “I’m not sure you’re really hearing me.”
Oof.
The Challenge
We like to think we’re good listeners. But too often, we’re distracted, formulating our response before the speaker even finishes, or making assumptions based on our own filters. Listening isn’t a passive skill but it’s an intentional act. One that most leaders think they’ve mastered but rarely audit.
Enter the uncomfortable truth: the people around us may not feel heard... because we’ve never asked.
The Tool: Active Listening Audit
This tool helps leaders evaluate how well they really listen—with five deceptively simple questions:
How good am I at taking the time to truly understand?
How good am I at asking open-ended questions to draw out what others are really trying to say?
How good am I at summarizing what I think I’ve heard to make sure I got it right?
How good am I at using body language to show I’m interested and engaged?
How good am I at resisting the temptation to jump in and assume I know what they’re saying?
Rate yourself from 1–10 on each. Better yet—have someone close to you rate you. That external perspective is pure gold... if you’re humble enough to receive it.
Why This Matters Now
Your influence as a leader isn’t rooted in your title—it’s built on trust. And trust begins with how people experience you in conversation. When others feel heard, seen, and understood, your Character and Chemistry get a boost. Listening well also showcases your Competence and strengthens your Credibility—the very foundations of the Influence Model.
On the flip side, if your team scores you low on this audit, chances are they’re also scoring you low on trust… which means your influence is limited, no matter how good your intentions are.
The Result
When leaders commit to listening well:
Influence increases, because people feel safe and respected
Teams open up and offer deeper insights
Conflicts reduce, engagement improves, and clarity grows
Ignore this skill, and you’ll quietly lose trust, effectiveness, and the very influence you need to lead well.
Take Action
Pick the lowest-scoring question from the Active Listening Audit. Then choose one intentional action to improve that score this week. This will take focus, humility, and practice—don’t expect it to be easy.
Schedule a call with us to talk about how you can strengthen your listening skills and increase your influence as a leader. We’ll walk through where you’re strong, where you’re stuck, and what to do next.
Closing the Loop
That colleague? They didn’t need advice. They needed presence. Once I slowed down, stopped jumping in, and actually listened—the entire dynamic changed.
Lead hard!
