Welcome to another Toolkit Tuesday! Every week, our goal is to give you a practical leadership tool to put in your toolkit.
So There I Was . . .
…sitting in a client's conference room a few months into our coaching, about to ask a question that sounds simple until you try to answer it.
By then I knew this leader pretty well. Hard work wasn't just something they did. It was something they wore. Every hour had to produce something. In all our time together, I never once heard about anything they did just because they liked it, with no thought about what it would return.
So I asked, "When was the last time you had fun?"
"What do you mean, fun?"
Right there explains a lot. I tried again. I told them fun is choosing to do something simply because you enjoy it. Not because it pays off or checks a box. Just because you like it. They thought about it and said they couldn't remember. So I asked why. Between work and family, they said, there just wasn't time for fun.
Wow. What a buzzkill.
As we kept talking, though, vacations came up. They took them, and they did plenty of things on those trips. "So you do have fun," I said. Not exactly. They planned every vacation around what their spouse enjoyed. It wasn't about control. They love their spouse and want to serve them well, and honestly, that's a good thing. But it meant that even on vacation, the time still had a purpose. It just wasn't their own. So before we wrapped up, I gave them a challenge: go do something just for fun.
The Challenge
I've had some version of that conversation with more clients than I can count. Driven leaders, good people, who have quietly decided that every hour has to earn its keep. Even the time off gets a job. The round of golf is really a sales call. The book on the nightstand is about business. The vacation belongs to someone else. None of that is wrong. But somewhere along the way, doing something just because we enjoy it started to feel like wasted time, or worse, a little selfish.
And it isn't only the CEOs. If you're working your way up, you've probably already learned that hustle gets noticed. Nobody gets promoted for having a hobby. So we stack up the hours and tell ourselves we'll have fun later, once things slow down. Things don't slow down.
My client didn't skip fun because they didn't care about it. They honestly couldn't see where it fit.
The Tool: 5 Gears
What my client couldn't remember has a name: 1st gear. We walked through the full 5 Gears framework in an earlier Toolkit Tuesday (read it here), and last time we zoomed in on 5th gear. This week we're going to the other end of the gearbox.
1st gear is recharge mode. It's time spent doing something that fills you back up, for no reason other than that you enjoy it. It doesn't have to be quiet, and it doesn't mean lying on the couch. The test is simple: is anything supposed to come out of this? If the answer is yes, it isn't 1st gear.
That's why the vacations didn't count. Planning a trip around the person you love is a good thing. That's 2nd gear, connect mode, and every marriage needs it. Time with friends is 3rd gear, social mode, and that matters too. But neither one replaces 1st. My client was showing up in 2nd for their family and living in 4th and 5th at work. 1st gear had dropped out of the gearbox completely.
Once a team knows the gears, 1st gear stops feeling like something to apologize for. "I'm in 1st on Thursday night" isn't slacking. It's maintenance. And a leader who says it out loud gives everyone else permission to do the same. "You never take a break" sounds like a complaint. "When were you last in 1st gear?" is a question anyone on the team can ask.
Why This Matters Now
A leader who never gets to 1st gear doesn't stay sharp in the others. Focus in 5th gets shorter, patience in 2nd gets thinner and the people around you feel it before you do. You can run on fumes for a long time. You just can't run well.
And the holidays are almost here. For a lot of driven leaders, time off turns into more 4th gear (year-end numbers, one more email) or time spent entirely making everyone else happy. Both are easy to justify. Neither one refills the tank.
The Result
When leaders protect even a little 1st gear time, they come back different. Calmer, more patient, more present with their teams and families. Their best thinking gets better because their mind finally got a break from producing. And their team learns by watching that working hard and enjoying life aren't opposites.
Skip it and the cost shows up slowly: shorter fuses, flatter energy and a leader who's always busy but never quite there.
Take Action
Answer the question. When was the last time you had fun? If you can't remember, pick one thing you'd do just because you like it, put it on the calendar in the next two weeks and protect it like a client meeting. No agenda, no return.
Find the right gear together. If you or your team are stuck in high gear and can't find your way down, let's grab time on the calendar and work through it together.
Closing the Loop
My client took the challenge. They joined an adult rec softball league and play one night a week. No prospecting, no networking. Just a game of softball.
It's still hard for them to admit they're having fun. I'm not sure they'd use that word yet. But I can see it. They're a little more relaxed when we meet now and more tuned in to the world around them. For a few hours a week, nothing has to come out of their time, and that turns out to be exactly what they needed.
So I'll ask you the same question I asked in that conference room. When was the last time you had fun?
If your first thought was "What do you mean, fun?" let's talk.
